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2026-06-06

I am fucking excited lol. Also, networking is hits-based, not rules-based

Disclaimer

Main

It is the expectation that hurts. Until now I was disappointed that I will not be able to persuade the LW consensus in favour of my plans. Now that I've actually gotten some clear answers from them, and I have emotionally internalised the reality, it doesn't seem to hurt as much.
There is a deep truth to like - once you actually feel your feelings, they eventually cease to hold their power over you.
I noticed myself vaguely squirming that there might still be some random dude from LW reading even these notes. But meh, it doesn't matter.
I saw sky and sun after so long, it was amazing.

Main 2

Went to an event. The event did not pay off for my goals (meet people with life missions), but I don't regret attending it. Networking is hits-based, not all hits will pay off. I lost a day of my time to this.
- [Some notes about this event kept private.]
Mindspace is combinatorially vast. It is very difficult (atleast for me) to partition all of mindspace using discrete rules. You can just have heuristics, or parts of you that resonate with parts of other people. You can't filter people using discrete rules so easily. Important for me to keep in my mind as long as I do more networking.
I'm happy I am capable of meeting strangers again, without wanting to slit their throat lol.
If you smile at strangers they tend to smile back, especially if your smile is relaxed and not too forced. If you appear a bit distrustful or neutral, they also appear distrustful in return. Atleast for a first impression, you can just use self-fulfilling prophecies in subtle ways. In the long run though all this fails, doing anything besides being authentic is too tiring for me. I can only do all this shit for a first impression not permanently.

Main 3

Maybe I need to be even more loyal and protective of my ingroup?
I want to terrify the shit out of my outgroup and remind them I can raze entire cities to the ground if I had to, in order to destroy them. Threaten the maximum amount of violence possible, but then surgically use the minimum amount of violence to get the job done. Negotiate from a position of strength.
But at the same time, I do want to actually love the ingroup and actually feel safe and at peace with them, and so on. I am already quite loyal to some people, but maybe this is not enough and I need to be even more loyal? It is worth exploring.
I am fucking excited lol. I am excited to be alive. Want to dance. Let's fucking go.

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